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Portal 2 Delayed, No Half-Life 3 @ E3
Let's cut to the chase. The E3 surprise Valve mentioned is not, as you already know, Half-Life 2: Episode Three and, to clarify more recent rumors, it's NOT Half-life 3.

First thing's first though, they've confirmed that Portal 2 has a new targeted release date for 2011 (previously scheduled for Holiday 2010).

Valve also made a special announcement, saying that "Making Games is Hard." Here's the official word:

June 9, 2010 -- Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won't instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

"Also, the game will be even better," they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD'S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's delegate to the EU's Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

Let the global wide ocean of geekish tears rain upon us, as we wave good-bye to all dreams and hopes of catching a glimpse of Half-life 3... *SOB*

24 post(s)
Reader Comments
Un Om Bun [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 11:05 am EDT
Huh ? It doesn't say it won't be HL3.

I mean "Portal 2 themed surprise"... what the fuck could it be ? What ain't Portal, but it's Portal related ? Half-Muthafuckin-Life, that's what. They can't say they canceled showing P2, to go on and show P2 multiplayer or some such faggotry. It's gotta be something bigger than that.
  Alchi: The pain I see is unbearable to thy heart... Hush, hu…
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Alchi: A full cycle. A hinduists would love that. You kn…
Un Om Bun: There's even a position called Congress of the Cow ;)
Un Om Bun: Anyways, most of the above stuff comes from the movie…
Alchi: I'll note that one. I'm surprised no one told us …
Un Om Bun: They're used to it. We're all a bit funny in the head…
homo_erectus: omg what a fags P.S. don`t forget to use a gravity…
Vader [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 11:20 am EDT
Sod it. I'm not changing anything. It's not HL3.
  Un Om Bun: Is too !
Vader [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 11:21 am EDT
You think they'd say, "it's Portal 2 themed for God's sake," and then when the day comes they announce HL3? They wouldn't be that devious.
  Un Om Bun: Could it be Portal 1 for some silly handheld device ?…
Alchi Jun 09 2010, 11:23 am EDT
"missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse. "


Alpha protocol was delayed and it came out pretty awful. So the Obsidian get's the award for delaying a game and making it worse.

Then again there's Alan Wake, for making the game for so long, whilst simultaneously preparing a sequel, thus instantly making the Alan Wake 1 a worse game, than it could've been. Bitches.

Stil Obsidian wins.

So that's the surprise?

Cruel cruel cruel Valve, will you ever get what you deserve for toying with geekish hearts, that have never had women and whose substitutes are elf females and internet porn?
  Cheddar: Alchi, do you not get that the press release and its …
Alchi: You mean they're not delaying Portal 2? Or that it…
Cheddar: Wait... reading it again, I think I misunderstood the…
jokester Jun 09 2010, 11:31 am EDT
All I know is, that if they do announce HL3, I've got to get me a new rig, which at the moment, is not currently attainable due to a lack of job...

So part of me is hoping for it...
Bubu Jun 09 2010, 11:55 am EDT
It's Alyx and Dog going after The Combine .... without Gordon, because he's DEAD or SEVERELY WOUNDED
(if they do that I'll buy a shotgun, some bullets, a ticket and go after that fat cow)

P.S: guess who the "fat cow" is ?!
dwcw Jun 09 2010, 11:56 am EDT
Denial. Lets not live in denial people.
  dwcw: In fact. I am living in one right now.
GrgoljBlaster Jun 09 2010, 12:31 pm EDT
They better make "the surprise" awesome or else...
  gameX: Or else what? Whatchya gonna do? Tell us, tell us?
Cheddar Jun 09 2010, 12:43 pm EDT
Well, back to the drawing table of what the E3 "surprise" will be.

Unless Valve is gonna belly-flop E3 and roll out something boring and unremarkable for the event, I'm out of ideas that actually seem plausible.
Nameinuse Jun 09 2010, 12:44 pm EDT
Has anyone noticed that this press release is not written in the usual PR speak. I love Valve for this.

The press release seems to have been prepared by GLaDOS, so it's possible it's "an outright fabrication", and we shouldn't believe a thing they say.
  Un Om Bun: A GLaDOS puppet will perform a song-and-dance number …
Nameinuse: Was that adresed to me?
greenberet Jun 09 2010, 01:28 pm EDT
fucking vader.

where the fuck does it even mention half life 3? misleading headline.

drop dead fool.
  Vader: Know this, when I die, I'll be back to get you!
greenberet: i am sorry. please forgive me
Vader [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 01:41 pm EDT
So? Other e-mails from Valve didn't mention HL3 either. This is simply to end the previous unnecessary hypage.

You can start accepting facts, they are not planning to announce HL3.
  Un Om Bun: Are too !
Vader: Are not...
Un Om Bun: Are too !
Vader: Are... ENOUGH!!!
Un Om Bun: I know you are, but what am I ?
Un Om Bun [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 01:49 pm EDT
I think it's gonna be Half-Life 3. Yep.

What do you guys think ?
Vader [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 01:50 pm EDT
You're right. It is. At this point, I think when they clearly say it's not, we can accept it as actually being Half-Life 3.
  Un Om Bun: Damn straight ! They can deny it all they want.
Vader: I see.
Cheddar Jun 09 2010, 01:55 pm EDT
It's Valve's own fault. The wording of their first mock press release made it seem that whatever was going to happen at E3 wouldn't have anything AT ALL to do with Portal 2.

So, naturally, people made the obvious speculative conclusions.

And now here's a second mock press-release, pulling the equivalent of a "whoops, my bad", clarifying that the E3 presentation will still be something about Portal 2.

So, personally... I'm just back to square one with all this. Before the first mock press release, I was certain E3 wouldn't have anything to do with Ep3/HL3, and that's the point I've come back to. Full circle.

2012. That's the year for Ep3/HL3, I think. It might be REVEALED in 2011 (maybe), but I wouldn't expect more than that. I continue to be confident that it will be a full-length game, and 4-5 years of development time on a new/updated graphics engine fits with Valve's past development cycle length (actually, it's a bit fast for Valve).
  Bigolli: Sums up my thoughts perfectly! Well said Cheddar =)
Vader [STAFF] Jun 09 2010, 01:55 pm EDT - "The note also confirms that the "surprise" promised last time is Portal 2-themed, killing once and for all any speculation about Half-Life 3 coming as a surprise announcement at E3. We hope..."

See, I'm not the only one who thinks so.
  Un Om Bun: You make sense and so do the other reasonable types h…
Morkrul: shut up!!! i don't want to believe that!
GrgoljBlaster Jun 09 2010, 02:46 pm EDT
TF2 probably going to hit OS X platform tomorrow:
  GrgoljBlaster: btw I still believe they are going to show Source eng…
Morkrul Jun 09 2010, 03:03 pm EDT
i hate this situation!
IT HAS TO BE HL3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if not....i'll sharp-shoot something, probably a deer, then i'll take out his liver and play squash with it on a huge window
  Morkrul: then...i'll shed some napalm-filled tears
PainZero Jun 09 2010, 03:21 pm EDT
Well maybe the surprise would be that HL3 would be made by Obsidian, but then again that wouldn't surprise me at all.
im_stardust Jun 09 2010, 04:09 pm EDT
Couldn't give a flying shit whatever it is.

Every time I'm curios and stick my head into "the hole in fence", it gets cut off.
DrJester Jun 09 2010, 07:03 pm EDT
Total bullshit Gabe, lay off the HoHo's and give us EPISODE THREE!
raingod Jun 09 2010, 08:42 pm EDT
Fuck the rumors! Fuck the society! Give me my weed back!
  KeepSmilin: ohhh... So those were what I was suppose to make love…
shadowwolf Jun 10 2010, 09:33 am EDT
I never thought it was going to be HL3, mostly since it didn't make sense for them to jump to HL3 before finishing the HL2 episodes. Who wants to bet its a handheld version of Portal, like for Nintendo's new 3DS that's going to be shown at E3. I'd laugh my ass off if it was, mainly because until Valve shows episode 3, I just ignore anything they say. TF2 and LFD aren't that interesting to me, and Portal 2 will come when it does, but I'm not overly excited for it.
firelord2005 Jun 17 2010, 08:39 pm EDT
meh ... just so long as HL3 comes out before I'm too geriatric to play it ...


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