Bikini Karate Babes Review

For all you women out there...

Do not buy this game; unless, for some reason you like "cute" girls in a sexual way, or just happen to be a self-righteous moron who likes to vent out by taking potshots at crappy game titles (much like 2Lions here - ed). But, if you happen to like-like girls, I would encourage you to read on... or stop now. It's up to you.

Munch, munch.

Voluptas kicks ass let me tell ya!!

The basic question every guy has to ask himself before even thinking about buying this ... thing is whether he's a messy or a neat one-handed surfing expert.

Messy...

You sloppy bastard, you're just gonna enjoy the hell out of this game. It has all the basic necessities for a decent one-handed surfing séance. But first, you have to do the following things...

Back away from your monitor, about 20 inches or so. Use gloves. Wear a fireman's suit, as they're usually made from rubber and can be hosed down in a matter of seconds. Do not invite your friends over to play this game with you; they might take it the wrong way. Do not allow your pet (unless it's a gold fish) to see you play Bikini Karate Babes. It's bad enough that it's furry and reluctant to take a bath, but it might also suffer a trauma from seeing his master shake and grin like an idiot for 20 seconds. You may never be able to communicate with your pet again.

Shield all cables, and make sure that the doors are closed. Roll up your carpet, if you have one, and play some gentle and relaxing music to help you concentrate. Ideally, before playing this game you should eat 2kgs of nuts and honey, browse through your Penthouse collection and do a light 20 minute workout to get the testosterones flowing. If all goes well, you'll be done in no time. Remove your fireman suit, hose it down, and remove your gloves. Flush the dead goldfish down the toilet, and for Christ's sake - open the window and let in some fresh air! Use Wick's Air Refresher.

Now take your Bikini Karate Babes CD's and give 'em to your pet. The poor thing's probably so stressed out that it'll gladly eat some shiny plastic if you let it. Give yourself a pet on the back for buying a ridiculously crappy game, and remind yourself to buy a watermill in Sahara.

I keep it clean; I'm very good at concealing evidence from my wife.

Glad to hear that, buddy! Good for you! Just remember these few helpful tips then.

Get yourself a new wife!

I mean, if you're desperate enough to choose Bikini Karate Babes over a real woman, then:

a.) You're married to something resembling a human
b.) You like to take your wife to the ZOO, but you can't quite tell if she's looking at the locked-up chimp, or if you should call security and ask them to release your wife and lock up this chimp standing next to you.
c.) Little kids run up to you in the street and ask if they can touch your wife, providing she's well-trained.
d.) Dogs are uneasy and bark uncontrollably when standing next to your wife.

If any of these things happened to you in the past, we advise you to buy yourself a tranquilizer gun and some colorful posters. Whenever you want to play Bikini Karate Babes, just use the tranquilizer gun and let your wife look at the pretty, colorful posters. After all, it's important to provide a safe and stable environment for the likes of your wife.

But the real question is, why in God's name would you conceal the evidence from it (your wife) in the first place, given the fact that she CAN tell food from shiny metal things, but can't spot the difference between a dead rat and an apple pie! On the other hand, maybe you should take time to conceal the evidence, as you probably haven't had time to tell your wife that licking off stuff isn't exactly the most effective way of house-cleaning.

One final note.

Keep your Bikini Karate Babes CD. It's fun to look at women without any facial hair every now and then.