FIFA Soccer 06 Review

Disclaimer: We apologize in advance for not providing a more in-depth and meaningful FIFA 06 review. You see, the thing is we don't know how to do it anymore. To an untrained eye, this article might not even sound like a FIFA 06 review, but we assure you this is the (worst) best we could come up with.

Hi, I'm interested in buying a new computer.

Do not ask what I'm doing.

Gooooaaaalll!!!

OK, do you have anything particular in mind in terms of the CPU, video card?

Yes, well, an AMD64 sounds good and I was thinking of getting a 7 series NVIDIA card.

OK, that narrows it down. How about this then?

What about it?

Will this do?

That's a can of glue.

No it isn't. That's your brand new computer.

What?!?! The case is shaped like a can of glue. It sure smells like glue.

No, the casing is not shaped like a can of glue. This would be a Coolermaster Full Tower case.

OK, if that's a PC then you wouldn't mind if I popped the lid.

I don't understand what you mean.

I mean, would it be OK if I opened the can of glue... I mean the PC.

Nope.

Why not?

Then you'd void the warranty.

For a freaking can of glue?!?

Only trained technicians can work on our branded PC equipment.

You just had a fly die next to the can of glue, errr 'computer' and I'm starting to feel dizzy from the fumes.

I assure you, Sir, this is a top-of-the-line brand PC.

Holy shit... your hands look awesome.

I know.

Andy Gray has been around forever.

Helpless defenders watching in disbelief.

That does look like a nice PC.

It sure is.

I'll take it. How much for it?

That'll be $3,021.02 with VAT. Monitor is not included.

Holy crap, that's awesome! How about that monitor over there then?

That's a wall oven, Sir.

I love the fucking screensaver on that thing, it's awesome. That stupid, stoned dude staring back at me looks freaking ridiculous.

So you will be taking the wall oven as well?

Yes.

Splendid, Sir. Have a wonderful day!

Man, I can't wait to get home and show this to my friends! They're gonna be sooooo jealous. I have a crush on my cousin. I like to pee on silk underwear. Why am I saying all this out-loud? I have awesome hands!

And the morale of this story is, if you keep a straight face and the customers are gullible enough or under heavy influence, you can sell just about anything.