Sea Dogs Review

Aye, aye, shiver me timbers! Yeah, what's a damn pirate game review without just a few scurvy sea dog sentences... Hey, you know what, I had a terrible fight with my girlfriend the other day... We were supposed to see this flick, and I was to pick her up at 8:15, but then I showed up at around 9:15. OK, maybe a bit later... Now that wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the blistering cold and the harsh winter winds which made her butt freeze like a frozen popsickle --- kinda like when I ask her if she feels like having sex with me (yeah, you gotta ask, although I prefer the "what's that thing in my hand; I can't see 'cause it's so dark" technique). Anyway, unbelievable as it may seem, this story has a point. And here it goes: I was playing Sea Dogs, or Pirates!, or whatever you like to call it. Thank you Akella for making me realize I'm this 200lbs 25-yaer-old male trapped in a body of 12-year-old. Thanks for reminding me why I love this job, and why I just don't blend in in the crowd of accomplished 25-year-olds.

We're sailiiing, ah yeah!

Take this, you Spanish peacocks!

Talk about an excellent remake of a classic. Phew, oh boy! I remember wasting days and weeks playing the original pirates on my PC XT, and now I feel like somebody has put me in the time machine and made me go back to those days, only in full 3D and with the processing power of my Thunderbird. Every little detail has been preserved and improved in Sea Dogs. Every little aspect that kept me glued to the monitor for so long and made me skip that "sexual ed. 101" class (that's why I love porn flicks so much - I had to get some sort of education somewhere) has been carefully thought out and modified to fit today's standards. Over the years, I have become somewhat of a FPS freak, and I forgot what it's like to play a good RPG/action type of thingy. I remember looking at those Baldur's Gate, Civilization, and Diablo II fanatics and thinking: "Counter-Strike, you pansy point-collectors," but now I'm eating my badly chosen words (and kicking myself in the ass, as I'm eating my words - picture that if you can). Now I remember why I was so hooked on Pirates! and why I still carry this childhood trauma from not attending that sex ed. class.

Sea Dogs takes players back to the 17th-18th century 'Central America' and casts you in the role of a young buccaneer, Nicolas Sharp -- fine, young lad with a sharp attitude and a desire to make it big in the world of daring swashbucklers and cutthroat pirates. Nicolas sets off from Europe as a nobody to seek his fortune in the new world, but little does he know that he is the son of the famous Malcolm Sharp who had made quite a number of enemies (and friends) on the Archipelago and disappeared some years ago under mysterious circumstances. Just like in the original game, Nicolas will find himself in the middle of a rather delicate political hotspot with the Spanish, French, and English fighting for control over trade routes, mining resources, and whatever else they manage to rob and steel from each other, or the poor natives. All three 17th-century super-powers are actually using the pirates as a tool to protect their interests, while the pirates use this hypocritical benevolence to loot, plunder, and pillage their ass off. Pleasing governors and raping on the side while getting a few gold coins in your pocket is what life on the Archipelago was all about. So, it's up to you to decide if you feel like being a loyal servant of the crown (any damn crown), or this flat-out bastard-pillager who's looking to score a few tons of goods and destroy some towns.

The Sea Dogs gameplay can be split into two basic parts: the action part, which consists out of naval battles and sword fighting, and the exploration and management part, which implies storyline, and a lot of sailing and trading (Trading - dope? Nah, mahogany and stuff). And just like in any classic RPG, any combat achievement (successful plunder), or progress in the game's storyline add experience points to your character. Of course, more exp. points means you'll be sailing on better ships, become better at boarding and a whole lot of other things.

The Nicolas' character consists of two basic categories: skill level and reputation. Each of these is very important - reputation unlocks certain quests, and more skill helps you become a better pirate, which again unlocks many new possibilities in the game (hell, nice reputation and a title can even get you laid in this game). Akella has really improved the Pirates' RPG aspect. The original only touched upon its potentials, but the authors have never really followed through. Sea Dogs changed all that with a great number of different skills for your character to develop, as well as with the introduction of the party-member NPCs, which, if hired increase Nicolas' stats, like: sailing (First Mate), gun laying (Master Gunner), etc.

Much like Elite or Privateer, Sea Dogs is completely non-linear, meaning you won't even have to go on any quests. It's up to the player to decide which way his character will develop. Will you be a pirate and turn a blind eye on your father's ill faith, an honest merchant, or governor's errand-boy? That is totally up to you. However, if you do decide to follow up on a few rumors and hear what some of the NPCs in town ports have to say, you'll begin to uncover the game's main plot. It might take you a while though, 'cause you really need to have a good ship, or a number of ships even to start thinking about your father's faith. Being that Akella has done such a great job on expanding on the RPG concept, I really thought they'd include more adventure elements and a tighter story. One of the biggest drawbacks to the original game was the lack of a complex tale, and Sea Dogs doesn't really deal with this matter either. This is a damn shame, 'cause I shudder to think of the consequences that would have on my shaky relationship. There is far too little in the way of plot, at least in the first day or two of gameplay. Unfortunately, the plot doesn't really take off in later parts either. The in-game dialogue is fairly interesting (witty, and far from that B-movie Hollywood style stuff we've been all too familiar with as of late), but it gets monotonous after a while. There is no elaborate cinematics to stir our imagination even further. Instead, you'll have to imagine things, like we used to do back in the old days. Come to think of it, the game doesn't even have an opening pre-rendered cinematic! The whole thing immediately switches to the modest in-game engine cinematics, and doesn't really give you much of an elaborate introduction. Now I don't know much, but I know I'd wet my pants, break up with my girlfriend, and join a 'Mexican Bandito Monks' cult in China if I saw a Blizzard like quality opening cinematic for Pirates. It'd be like watching your first lesbian porn movie all over again.