The Sims 2 University Review

Steve: I guess that's because of his general dissatisfaction. Bob did not manage to fulfill his wants nor suppress his fears, failing to increase his influence on others.

John: You're right. His hygiene was low because he could never use the bathroom, and he also wasn't very enthusiastic about his environment. You know how the expansion brought some new items and decoration elements? Well, they were not particularly interesting or practical, so logically Bob became more and more depressed. I suggested he should join a fraternity and he applied to a Greek house, but was rejected.

Steve: A Greek house? Do they have anything to do with unnatural sexual practices? Do they like girls?

John: I don't know. Why?

Steve: Doesn't matter. So what happened next?

John: Bob moved off campus. He was not doing well with his studies as he never wrote his term papers and wasn't very friendly with the professors, obviously not as friendly as you were. He was surely going to flunk, and possibly even drop out.

Steve: Uncle Stevie wasn't there to give the kid pointers. You wrap the meat of your lips around your teeth so that...

John: --Uhhhh, moving on, Bob was a sad yet persistent little bastard. He decided not to leave his studies and work harder. I was so proud. Then he moved in with a rock band.

Steve: The two don't go well together.

John: That's what I thought, but he seemed to like it. He started working on his essays, doing research, taking tutoring; he even stopped skipping his classes. He made friends with the Sims he lived with, and he even managed to make friends with the postman.

Steve: I made friends with the postman too. On several occasions. In fact just this morning I got a 'special delivery' that involved whipped cream and a Dust Buster.

John: Riiiight. I was quite happy to see my Bob doing so fine. He successfully recovered after a difficult period and started getting better grades. His skills were improving significantly, which all meant he would get a better scholarship and more opportunities in life. I did not care that he would make a career as an artist as long as he was successful at it. I wanted him to give me the reason to be proud of him once again, and he finally did...

Steve: Sounds quite idyllic. What were his interactions with other members of the household?

John: He made good friends with the two girls, Zoe and Jasmine. Zoe was very ambitious - she was a brilliant student which got her homework done in time and always left a good impression on all her professors.

Steve: Brilliance has nothing to do with it. It's all about having the proper technique and passion for your studies.

John: My Bob was never a tidy person, so Zoe ended up eating a four-day old pizza and got food poisoning.

Steve: Why didn't they order some new food?

John: Bob spent all their money on house decorations.

Steve: John, forgive me for saying this but your kid is a jerk.

John: I know. But let me continue. The other girl, Jasmine, also seemed like fun. She loved to tell jokes and pull pranks which everybody seemed to enjoy. Now I must tell you this - I was generally very disappointed with the new forms of interaction in the expansion. I was glad that my Sims could finally hang out or introduce their friends to other people, but I thought the pranks and jokes were rather lame.

Steve: Yes, man, you're absolutely right. Pranks are so elementary school, and the new games are really dumb. I mean, pillow fight?!? Didn't we do that when we were eight-years-olds? What about some hardcore blowjobs? That's awesome! And healthy! Mmmmm, Beef!

John: These students are a bit demented if they enjoy stuff like that. Pillow-fighting and laughing like crazy, and kicking a ball? What the hell is that about?

Steve: I don't know, but my Sims were also behaving more like kids than young adults who like cock. They did consider it important to hang around with friends or meet someone to make out with, but I somehow expected there'd be a lot more sex.

John: Holy shit man; I really should reevaluate this friendship of ours.

Steve: You don't like me cause of the things I said?

John: No, you are awful. You keep making these innuendos about your sexual preferences.

Steve: What is wrong with enjoying a healthy, manly...

John: ALL RIGHT ALREADY!

John: But really, the main thing about this expansion is that I never got the impression my sims were attending a university.

Steve: That's because they never roughed it up on their knees with a demanding philosophy professor for a grade increase.

John: That's terrific, Steve.

Steve: Of course it is!

John: As I was saying, Bob was turning into an excellent student and he also seemed very happy about his social life. In his spare time, he would go to the roof and learn to play the guitar.

Steve: I did not know your kid was into music. Does he like to blow horns?

John: Neither did I. What proved to be the cause of his sudden interest into music was not, however, purely artistic.

Steve: What was it then?

John: Well, in the evenings and late into the night he used to practice with his buddies. There was that freaky girl dressed in a cow suit who used to play bass, and that weird foreign kid Gunnar at the drums. Bob was jamming with them and enjoying himself. I said nothing, because I knew how well this would prove for my Bob's creativity, which was essential for his future job. Though I must tell you, I did not like that Gunnar kid from the very start. He's the sort that takes a bath with his sunglasses on, you know, and he drinks directly from the bottle.

Steve: Gulps semen down like a real man?

John: Jesus Christ! No!

John: The point I'm trying to make is that the kid's covered in tattoos, wears a ponytail and hangs strange Japanese posters on the walls.

Steve: What's so strange about that? My daughter Karen's also covered in tattoos. That seems to be the fashion nowadays, you know. You should try and be a little less conservative.

John: I am not conservative.

Steve: Yes you are, and your son-in-law is not the prince of Zimbabwe.

John: You mean Karen's future husband is...?

Steve: Exactly. He's the son of the Zimbabwean president.

John: Man, that's so cool.

Steve: I know. I keep thinking about that boy's long, throbbing tribal spear.

John: Bob started playing the guitar on a regular basis, and soon made best friends with Sam...

Steve: Sam who?

John: The girl in a cow suit. I thought it was great that he made friends with such a nice girl, secretly hoping that they would soon become much more than friends. Now, you know how you can always see the current mood of your Sims, as well as their needs, relationships, and skills?

Steve: Of course I do.

John: I took a look at my Bob's relationships and realized with a shock that he had a soft spot for Gunnar.

Steve: ...

John: Yep.